Who is My Inner Child?
You may have heard the term “inner child” before. But, who exactly is the inner child? None of us come into this world as fully grown adults. We each go through childhood and learn about ourselves and the world around us through two different mechanisms: experiences and play. Through these experiences, we create patterns of behavior that prepare us for the real world. This is normal! But what happens when we had an experience that tells us that we need to protect ourselves in some way from the world, or even from ourselves? Our inner child is a living energy inside of us that stores the information from our past experiences (positive and negative), and holds the patterns of how we survived or thrived in those moments.
Often, these patterns of behavior continue into adulthood in some way. Sometimes when we are feeling spread thin, the internal narrative of the inner child can become active and begin to bring old, unhealthy thoughts and beliefs to the surface. In these moments, where we might be feeling overwhelmed, under-slept, triggered emotionally, or pushed to the edge…the inner child’s blueprint for how to survive can pop up and try to help us out of a sticky situation. The problem is…now that we are adults, this strategy may no longer be helpful. So, if you are feeling disempowered, stuck, or just a little bit hijacked - this might be why!
Developmental neurobiology tells us that the human brain is associative; meaning that it ties together emotions, memories, and experiences that seem related to one another. It makes sense, then, that everyday challenges we face in our adult life bring many of us in touch with painful experiences and feelings from our past. In these stressful times, it may be surprising to discover that we revert back to old patterns and belief systems that we may have thought we outgrew. The inner child’s main concern is safety and security, and these default patterns are often put in place long ago in order to protect us. The goal of inner child work is to untangle the past narrative from the current one, and integrate them so that our adult self and inner child work in unison to create new and healthy patterns.
How Do I Work With My Inner Child?
When we begin any type of inner child work, we are tapping into an important part of our psyche that is vulnerable and impressionable. This part also holds great wisdom, and tells us how we can begin to heal our past wounds. When we do inner child work, we are able to be both our “wise adult self” and also the child during sessions. This allows us to provide ourselves with unconditional self-love, support, and compassion; taking all of the wisdom and learned experience of being an adult, and bestowing it upon that impressionable and younger part. Your therapist can help you begin to connect with your inner child through a various array of exercises. Through this powerful work, we can begin to untangle the inner child narrative from our current experience and our own adult perspective.
What Are Potential Benefits of Inner Child Work?
Inner child work creates self-awareness and self-compassion. As you build a connection with your inner child you may experience benefits such as:
Understanding how past experiences shape your present experience
Understanding current behaviors
Understanding past traumas and how that affects current behavior
Re-connecting to hobbies, passions, and goals you had in younger years
Improved self-esteem & emotional regulation
Re-writing unhealthy narratives you learned as a child
If you are interested about inner child work or if this may be a fitting approach for you, give Advanced Counseling of Bozeman a call to see if we have a clinician that best fits your needs!
Emily Hodge, MSW, SWLC
References
Hestbech, A. M. (2018). Reclaiming the Inner Child in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The Complementary Model of the Personality. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 71(1), 21-27. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.201800008
Sjöblom, M., Öhrling, K., Prellwitz, M., & Kostenius, C. (2016). Health throughout the lifespan: The phenomenon of the inner child reflected in events during childhood experienced by older persons. International journal of qualitative studies on health and well-being, 11, 31486. https://doi.org/10.3402/qhw.v11.31486