Overcoming Personalization
Personalization is one of the common cognitive distortions in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that can be defined as, “involves taking negative events or circumstances and believing that they are somehow related to or caused by the individual, even when there is no evidence to support this belief” (Thinking Bugs). This cognitive distortion can often lead to low self-esteem, interpersonal relationship stressors, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, and shame. Some examples of how personalization can play out in daily life include:
a person believing that it is their fault and responsibility when their partner is experiencing an uncomfortable emotion
believing that you did something to cause suffering to yourself or others
thinking a certain personality trait of yours is not good enough for others in your life
It is reported that those diagnosed with anxiety-related disorders or depression are more prone to this thinking error (Thinking Bugs). Thinking bugs, an app centered around CBT-based interventions gives a personal example of how personalization can look, “A student gets a low grade on a test and believes that it is because they are not intelligent enough, rather than considering other factors such as not studying enough, not understanding the material, or being distracted during the test”. Many people engage in this type of thinking, so how do we overcome personalization?
Circle of concern, influence, and control:
The circle of concern, influence and control was developed by Stephen Covey to support people in understanding where to direct most attention and energy when dealing with things that upset or worry us (Vallejo et al., 2022). When experiencing personalization, it can be helpful to utilize this tool and write out what goes where in your circles. The circle of concern is where we would add things you cannot control, in the circle of influence we would add things that we can influence, and then we would add things we can control in the circle of control. It is important to use this tool in reducing personalization to support people in mapping out where out control and influence lies in any given situation.
Challenging thinking patterns and identifying core beliefs around it:
An important component of CBT interventions is identifying thinking patterns and core beliefs that are associated with a specific cognitive distortion you may consistently experience. Once these thinking patterns and core beliefs are identified, it is recommended to begin cognitive restructuring or challenging these. We do this through examining the evidence for and against this cognitive distortion in various contexts. We then identify if this thought is fair, balanced, or if there is a more accurate thought when examining the whole situation. It can be beneficial to start this with personalization-based thoughts in supporting people to get a more neutral lens in the way they view themselves, others, and the world around them.
Mindfulness and self-soothing techniques:
Mindfulness-based activities and grounding techniques can support combating personalization through supporting a person in nervous system regulation or remaining in their logical brain. Mindfulness is a state of nonjudgmental awareness of the present moment that involves awareness of one’s own thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations (Therapist Aid, 2023). Some mindfulness-based activities to try when experiencing personalization could include mindfulness walk outside, body scans, five senses exercise, deep breathing, meditation, or other mindfulness techniques like RAIN. RAIN activity is developed by psychologist Tara Brach, standing for recognize, allow, investigate, and nurture.
Please understand that these interventions are not an overnight fix; overcoming personalization can be difficult and take time. Make sure to give yourself grace as you are going through this process, celebrate small wins along the way and seek professional help if you need more support in this area.
Jamie Lingenfelter, BSW, MSW, SWLC
References
Therapist Aid. (2023, January 23). Rain: Mindfulness technique: Worksheet. https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/rain-mindfulness-technique
Thinking bugs & the CBT app. CBT Cognitive Distortion | Thinking Bugs. (n.d.). https://www.thinkingbugs.com/personalization/
Vallejo, M., Choubey , M., BJ , L., & Mwamburi Mwadime, M. (2022, October 5). What is the circle of control?. Mental Health Center Kids. https://mentalhealthcenterkids.com/blogs/articles/what-is-the-circle-of-control