Finding Your Sense of Self
Identity is how we understand ourselves. It is a collection of values we hold that help us make decisions and create the life we want. However, a sense of self is something that many individuals struggle with today. So, where do we begin? How does one start to form a sense of self?
First, its important to know much of one's sense of self comes from parents and peers in childhood and then develops further during adolescence as one begins to “experiment” with the world. If one does not have a healthy childhood, maybe with childhood abuse and neglect, the values we form become distorted and can lead to various negative beliefs in adulthood around one's purpose in life. On the other hand, someone who grows up in a supportive, nurturing home, they may grow up with a strong sense that they are good decision makers, they have purpose in their life, and they have things that bring meaning. Some individuals can have a good upbringing and experience a major loss and then feel the values that they aligned with beforehand no longer fit.
All things impact our sense of self. So before moving forward, look back and notice what kind of values you were taught. What were the overall feelings your parents instilled in you? Did they reassure you after making a mistake that you can repair it? Or were you left to question things on your own and made to feel things were in fact your fault?
Another part in finding your sense of self is through exploration and development of one's purpose. An individual's purpose can be specific. We all have met someone who has known they would be [insert occupation here] since they were little. Others may be broad with a general idea of maybe caring for animals or nurturing kids. However once one finds their purpose, they can also begin to find ways to encourage the growth of their purpose. If someone feels their purpose is caring for animals, they can begin to look at volunteering for an animal shelter or going to veterinarian school. In a nutshell there are three big steps to this: 1) discovering and developing potential, 2) choosing life purpose, and 3) finding ways to exercise that potential and purpose.
The best part about this is that it can change! Some will try something they believe they will love and find it isn't what they imagined. If this happens, it's okay to try something else or maybe even modify it. Sense of self can and will change, as with anything else in life, and one's values and sense of self helps encourage these changes. Again, in a healthy sense of self, change is encouraged and seen as important to one's growth rather than feeling they have failed.
When starting your journey, begin with these steps:
Differentiate yourself. What sets you apart from others?
Connect with yourself in a non judgmental, open minded way. Let go of the “shoulds” and rather come from a place of curiosity.
See challenges as a way of getting to know yourself. Many individuals see a challenge as a “make or break” case but challenges occur to everyone at any time and can simply be a way to increase your understanding of yourself which is always a good thing.
Use these in all areas of your life. Don't use this only with big decisions. Start small.
And if you want further tools and resources to help you on this journey, check out the links below!
How to Boost Self-Esteem: 12 Simple Exercises & CBT Tools (positivepsychology.com)
Sense of Self: Why It’s Important and How to Develop It (psychcentral.com)
8 Steps to Improving Your Self-Esteem | Psychology Today