Empowering Your Child to Make Choices

As a mom, I often question whether I'm doing too much or not enough for my kids. During a few playdates with a friend, I noticed that her children displayed remarkably confident decision-making skills and seemed so advanced in their critical thinking — almost more so than me. Curious, I asked her what her secret was, that’s when she shared advice that deeply resonated with me: "Train yourself out of a job." Her words made me realize that encouraging my child’s independence and critical thinking is essential not only for their growth but also for my own development as a parent.

It's natural for parents to want to guide and protect their toddlers, but one of the most empowering things you can do is to gradually "train yourself out of a job." This means fostering your child's autonomy by allowing them to make choices and take control of aspects of their life, which builds confidence and lays the foundation for healthy decision-making.

The Power of Choice

Allowing your toddler to make choices, even in small matters, is crucial for their development. When children are given the opportunity to decide what they wear, what they eat (within healthy options), or which toy to play with, they start to understand the concept of self-determination. This autonomy is vital for their self-esteem. According to Child Wise Institute, when toddlers are given choices, they feel a sense of control and ownership over their actions, which can reduce power struggles and lead to more cooperative behavior.

Building Decision-Making Skills

Training yourself out of a job means gradually stepping back to let your child practice decision-making with simple choices, like selecting their shirt for the day. As they grow more confident, you can introduce more complex decisions. According to Harvard Health, these early choices build critical thinking skills, helping toddlers learn to weigh options, consider outcomes, and trust their instincts.

Encouraging Independence

One of the toughest challenges for parents is stepping back and letting their child take the lead. While it's tempting to intervene when they struggle, it's vital for their growth to navigate challenges independently. Offering support without taking over—like encouraging your toddler to put on their shoes—builds autonomy, competence, and confidence. As noted by Zero to Three, this independence helps them learn they can handle challenges on their own.

Creating a Safe Environment for Exploration

To effectively train yourself out of a job, it’s important to create a safe and supportive environment where your toddler can explore their autonomy. This means setting clear boundaries and providing guidance while still allowing room for your child to make their own choices. For example, you might establish a routine that includes specific times for independent play or choices about what activities to do next. By creating a structured yet flexible environment, you empower your toddler to take control of their experiences within a safe framework.

Encouraging your child’s independence is one of the greatest gifts you can offer. By letting them make choices, tackle challenges, and experience the outcomes of their decisions, you help them develop the skills needed to navigate the world with confidence. This process not only supports their growth but also strengthens your bond as they learn to trust themselves and take pride in their achievements. In doing so, you’ll not only be nurturing their development but also allowing yourself the space to focus on being the best parent you can be while growing as an individual.

Jessica Gerling, MSW, SWLC

Resources

Child Mind Institute. (n.d.). Teaching your child how to make good choices. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/teaching-your-child-how-to-make-good-choices/

Harvard Health Publishing. (n.d.). How to raise an independent child. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/childrens-health/how-to-raise-an-independent-child

Zero to Three. (n.d.). Creating routines for love and learning. Retrieved from https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/creating-routines-for-love-and-learning/