Embracing Authenticity: Having the Courage to Stand Alone
“You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”
In "Braving the Wilderness," Brené Brown differentiates true belonging from merely fitting in. Despite our natural desire for connection, societal constructs and divisions hinder genuine belonging. Brown argues that true belonging requires inner exploration and self-confrontation of pain, trauma, biases, and personal narratives to truly belong to ourselves first.
Belonging is a fundamental human desire to be part of something bigger than us. Because this need is so deep-rooted, we often try to fulfill it by fitting in and seeking approval. However, these actions are not only poor substitutes for true belonging but can also hinder it. True belonging only occurs when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Our sense of belonging can never exceed our level of self-acceptance. It involves embracing our true selves without changing who we are.
The book presents a process to achieve true belonging through authenticity, bravery, trust, and vulnerability. It highlights the significance of standing alone instead of merely fitting in, encouraging us to embrace solitude and vulnerability with a "strong back, soft front, wild heart" attitude.
The Paradox of Belonging
People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.
This practice challenges modern dehumanizing tendencies and promotes empathy.
Speak Truth to Bullshit. Be Civil.
Brown encourages readers to challenge falsehoods while maintaining respect and civility.
Hold Hands. With Strangers.
Brown highlights the power of collective experiences in forming connections.
Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.
This principle encapsulates true belonging: strength in convictions, vulnerability in expression, and a heart unbounded by societal expectations.
BRAVING according to Brené
Trusting Others
Boundaries: You honor my limits, and if you're unsure about what's acceptable, you ask. You're also willing to say no when needed.
Reliability: You follow through on your promises. This involves being aware of your abilities and limitations to avoid overcommitting, enabling you to fulfill commitments and balance competing priorities effectively.
Accountability: You take responsibility for mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
Vault: You keep confidences and don't share information that isn't yours to share. I need to trust that my secrets are safe and that you don't reveal confidential information about others.
Integrity: You opt for courage over comfort, choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy, and practice your values instead of just professing them.
Nonjudgment: We can openly ask for what we need and discuss our feelings without fear of judgment.
Generosity: You assume the best intentions behind others' words, actions, and intentions.
Take Away Lessons
The wilderness represents both the external and internal untamed, unpredictable territories. It's a place of solitude and self-discovery, where one can achieve clarity and purpose. Braving the wilderness means confronting our fears and insecurities to embrace our true selves.
Embracing vulnerability means showing up and being seen, even when it's hard. It's about having the courage to be authentic, regardless of the outcome.
Speak your truth. Engage in challenging conversations and stand up for your beliefs, even when it's uncomfortable. This means leaning into conflict, confronting emotions, and striving for deeper understanding.
Foster deeper connections. In our divided world, it's crucial to connect with others, including those we disagree with. Brown stresses the importance of genuine human connection, sharing both joy and pain, and always leading with love and compassion.
“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are. ”
Gabrielle Molina, MSW, SWLC
Reference
Brown, B. (2019). Braving the wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. Random House.