Embracing Kindness to Self During New Year’s Resolution Setting

The New Year often brings a sense of renewal and hope. It’s a time when many of us reflect on the past year and set resolutions for the year ahead. Whether the goals involve improving our health, advancing our careers, or achieving personal milestones, the fresh start of a new year can feel like an opportunity to transform ourselves. 

However, in the rush to create a “better” version of ourselves, we often forget one of the most important ingredients to success: kindness. Kindness to others is a widely recognized virtue, but self-kindness is just as critical to our well-being and personal growth—especially during the pressure-filled time of New Year’s resolution-setting. 

As we set out to make positive changes, it's important to approach ourselves with compassion. Here’s why and how we can practice kindness to ourselves while striving for self-improvement in the year ahead. 

Recognizing the Pressure of Perfection 

New Year’s resolutions often come with a heavy sense of obligation. We set ambitious goals with the expectation that we should achieve them perfectly. "I’ll exercise every day," or "I’ll quit sugar for good" might sound like great resolutions, but when we set rigid goals without room for imperfection, we set ourselves up for failure. 

If we fail to live up to our idealized expectations, we often criticize ourselves harshly. Self-blame, guilt, and frustration are common emotional responses. Yet, perfection is neither realistic nor sustainable. The pursuit of personal growth is a journey, not a destination—and this journey is filled with ups and downs. 

• Kindness Tip: Give yourself permission to make mistakes. If you miss a workout or indulge in a treat, avoid negative self-talk. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend in the same situation. Remember: progress is not linear, and growth involves trial and error. 

Understanding the Power of Self-Compassion 

At the core of practicing kindness to yourself is self-compassion—the ability to be gentle with ourselves during times of struggle or when we fall short of our expectations. In the context of New Year’s resolutions, this means acknowledging that we are human and inherently imperfect. 

Self-compassion helps us cope with setbacks without spiraling into self-criticism. Rather than beating ourselves up for not meeting our goals, we can recognize our effort and gently encourage ourselves to keep going. 

• Kindness Tip: Start by speaking to yourself in a way that reflects self-compassion. For example, instead of saying, “I’ve failed again,” try, “I didn’t reach my goal this time, but I can try again tomorrow. It’s okay to stumble; what matters is getting back up.” 

Setting Realistic, Sustainable Goals 

Many New Year’s resolutions are set from a place of unrealistic ambition—goals that might sound admirable but are not aligned with our current abilities, energy levels, or resources. For instance, resolving to run a marathon after not exercising for years might feel empowering in the moment, but without a plan that acknowledges the need for gradual progress, it could easily lead to frustration. 

When we set goals that don’t match our true capabilities, we risk feeling defeated or overwhelmed. The key to kindness in goal-setting is choosing goals that are achievable and aligned with your present circumstances. 

• Kindness Tip: Start with small, manageable goals and break them down into actionable steps. If your goal is to exercise more, start by setting aside just 10-15 minutes a day for movement. When you accomplish this, celebrate your success. As you gain confidence, you can build up your goals at a sustainable pace. 

Honoring Your Mental Health 

In the pursuit of new goals, it’s easy to focus solely on external achievements—whether it’s eating more healthy foods, learning a new skill, or advancing your career. However, the new year is also an excellent time to prioritize mental health. Sometimes, self-kindness means acknowledging that you might need a break, space to rest, or time for self-reflection before diving into a whirlwind of new ambitions. 

It's okay to acknowledge that you might need mental and emotional healing before you can tackle other goals. Whether it's through therapy, journaling, meditation, or taking time for self-care, nurturing your mental health is not only important—it’s essential for the sustainable pursuit of your goals. 

• Kindness Tip: Prioritize mental well-being in your resolution-setting. Consider incorporating practices that support your emotional health, such as regular mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, or maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Self-kindness includes taking care of your mind just as much as your body. 

Celebrating Progress, Not Perfection 

One of the most powerful ways to practice kindness is by acknowledging your progress—no matter how small it may seem. In our society, we tend to celebrate outcomes more than effort. But the truth is, it’s the small steps forward that create lasting change. 

Whether you’ve achieved a major goal or simply taken one step toward it, take time to recognize and celebrate those moments. Self-kindness involves honoring all aspects of your journey and appreciating the effort you’ve put into it. 

• Kindness Tip: Celebrate every small win. Did you stick to your new sleep routine for a week? Celebrate it! Did you meditate for 5 minutes today? Celebrate it! These are all important milestones that reflect growth and self-care. 

Conclusion: The Power of Kindness in Achieving Your Goals 

New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be about harsh self-improvement or relentless striving. Instead, they can be an opportunity to approach yourself with the kindness, patience, and compassion you deserve. As you set goals for the year ahead, remember that the process is just as important as the outcome—and you can choose to make that process a compassionate and gentle one. 

This year, let kindness be your guide. By being kind to yourself—embracing your imperfections, nurturing your mental health, setting achievable goals, and celebrating your progress—you’ll not only move closer to your resolutions, but you’ll do so in a way that’s sustainable, joyful, and kind. After all, true success is rooted in self-compassion and acceptance. 

Here’s to a year of growth, kindness, and creating resolutions that honor the effective person you already are! 

Leah Smith, MA, PCLC

Reference

Neff, K. D. (2023).  Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention.  Annual Review of Psychology, 74:193-217.