Dealing with Pet Loss
Our animals/pets are often our family members and when we lose them the grief that can come with can be as strong and complicated as losing any other family member. We know when we bring a pet into the family there will be a day where we will have to say goodbye to them and yet this doesn’t make a goodbye any easier. The U.S. is already behind in bereavement time off or normalizing grief traditions compared to many other countries, this is especially true for loss of a pet; which significantly impacts many people nation wide. Here are some ways to navigate your grief and honor your pet that has passed.
Talk about your pet that has passed
Talk about all the good and bad with people you trust. Talk about some of your funny memories with your animal, how they came into your family, what their preferences and quirks were, what the final moments with them were like for you and more (as you are comfortable). This helps your progress through your grief process, can make grief less of a taboo to discuss and keeps their memory alive.
Creating a memorial service or anniversary tradition of the death/birth of your pet
This can look like burying them in your backyard, scattering their ashes in a place that they loved to go, planting a tree in their memory, going to their favorite park, donating to an animal shelter in their name, etc. Having these events can allow people to confront the reality of death while also taking deliberate steps toward accepting loss. This ceremony can also be vital in supporting people to move through the stages of grief (Sunset Gardens, 2024).
Know that grief is not a linear process
We often hear about the stages of grief and it can be a common myth people should move from denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance all in a perfect linear process to be ‘healed’. However, this is not how grief works, it is common to fluctuate between those stages depending on triggers present in your life and how the death occurred. Know that grief will hit you at weird times when you are least expecting it as well. It can be important to remember to allow yourself to cry and feel that pain while also balancing gratitude for your time spent with your pet.
Seek professional help
You can join an online pet bereavement group or seek an in-person animal bereavement group, you can often find resources for these services with your local animal shelter. Group therapy can be very effective and validating, as you are able to process your story there while also hearing others’ stories that may be similar to yours. Individual counseling can also be helpful to process your grief while also getting more tailored interventions and treatments to your situation.
“The bond between a pet and a human is a sacred one, and when a pet is gone, a part of us goes with them.”
– James Herriot
Jamie Lingenfelter, BSW, MSW, SWLC
References
Admin. (2024, March 13). The role of a memorial service in grief - Pasco, WA. Sunset Gardens. https://www.sunsetgardenstricities.com/blogs/the-role-of-a-memorial-service-in-the-grieving-process/#:~:text=A%20memorial%20service%20provides%20an,through%20the%20stages%20of%20grief.