Understanding Roles in a Blended Family
When it comes to blending families, whether it be a heterosexual or same-sex relationship, understanding roles and creating bonds when children are involved can be challenging. Statistics show as of 2021, 40% of families in the U.S. are blended with at least one partner having a child from a previous relationship before marriage and 16% of children live in a blended family. Per the U.S. Census Bureau, 1,300 new stepfamilies are formed each day (McCarthy, 2023). The first few years of blending families can be rocky as parenting, communication, and problem-solving skills need to be developed. Developing these skills can take time and patience for all involved. Creating these skills can be impacted by the other parent's sustained presence or absence in the child's life and the child's openness to their new stepparent. Previous experiences of being in a blended family can have a significant impact. If these previous experiences were negative, a person may have some reluctance to step into the parental role, particularly regarding decision-making and discipline.
When creating any new relationship, whether children are involved or not, it can be challenging to navigate new structure and expectations. Communication is key to working together to support the goals of the family. Allowing all members of the family to communicate their needs and understanding of their role in the newly formed family unit gives each person the ability to have a voice. While blending households can be disorganizing for all involved and allowing children to have a voice is important, it is important for the heads of the household to develop their own routine and continue to grow in their relationship to present a united front with the family. Parents who are able to strengthen their bond will help establish a model for how the family will function. They need to be a team and need to back each other up on rules and expectations that are set up for all children to prevent differential treatment and favoritism.
All children, in a blended household or not, need to feel valued and have the ability to be seen for their individual needs. If a child sees that they can use one parent over the other this can create a wedge between the new parents and create conflict that is difficult to navigate. Blending a family can be a great learning experience and have immense value in understanding the other partner or parent better. It can be a great place to start new traditions and let go of old habits that did not serve you well. The ultimate goal of a newly blended household is to make the home a safe place to allow for growth and bonding between all family members.
Stacy Ryan, MFLC
References
Lavoie, K., & Saint‐Jacques, M. (2020). Lovers for a time, mothers for life: Ecosystemic analysis of blended family experiences of lesbian mothers and stepmothers. Child & Family Social Work, 25(4), 946-954. https://doi.org/10.1111/cfs.12780
McCarthy, Kristin. “Blended Family Statistics: A Deeper Look into the Structure.” LoveToKnow, LoveToKnow, 3 May 2023, www.lovetoknow.com/parenting/parenthood/blended-family-statistics.