Self Compassion and Resiliency
by Mackenzie Bean, MSW, SWLC
Have you ever found yourself being kinder to a friend than to yourself? If so, you are in good company; most people report being much kinder to others close to them, and being very hard on themselves.
According to Kristin Neff (2009), self compassion has three main components: self kindness vs self judgment, common humanity vs isolation, and mindfulness vs overidentification. Why is it so important for people to practice self compassion?
Research shows that when someone has more self compassion, they also have an increase in psychological well-being. Self compassion is linked to feelings of happiness, curiosity, and connectedness. It is also linked to a decrease in anxiety, depression, feelings of failure, and rumination (Neff, 2009).
In one of the studies that Neff and researchers conducted, they found self compassion was positively associated with the goals of learning and negatively associated with performance goals. This concludes individuals with higher self compassion are motivated to learn and grow from a place of intrinsic reasoning (think willing to value self).
Ways to practice self compassion:
Treat yourself like you would treat a friend
Let yourself make mistakes, accept flaws, and remind yourself that everyone is imperfect
Use “releasing statements” (releasing yourself from the feeling)
Example: “It’s okay that I felt upset about that”
Reach out to others to reaffirm your sense of connectedness and to build/maintain support
Embrace your strengths and weaknesses (room for growth, as it never truly ends)
Strive for excellence or progress, instead of perfection. There is so much more flexibility in this!
Kristin Neff’s website: https://self-compassion.org/
Neff, K. (2009). The role of self compassion in development: A healthier way to relate to oneself. PubMed Central, 52(4), 211-214.
