People Pleasing: Am I Doing It?
Most everyone wants to feel accepted and like they belong, that is a basic human need and desire. Where this can become unhealthy is when we deny our own wants, needs or views in sacrifice for others or to avoid conflict.
What is a people pleaser?
A people pleaser is someone who puts the wants and needs of others above their own often to feel accepted or to avoid feeling uncomfortable.
Here are three warning signs you may be people pleasing:
You apologize all of the time
Saying sorry can come easily and become a habit. It is encouraged to practice pausing before you say you are sorry to evaluate if that is really what you mean.
Other words you could say instead of “I’m sorry”
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for helping me.
I appreciate the space you give me to feel my feelings.
You can never say no
Saying no can feel uncomfortable, but doing something that you don’t want to do can cause internal conflict and create resentment long term. Practicing pausing before answering and evaluate if it is something you can or want to do.
Remember… your time and needs matter too!
You are a social chameleon
A social chameleon mimics their surroundings to blend in. Changing your answers to questions, or preferences on a topic to match what someone else might prefer is a social chameleon and can be a form of people pleasing.
It is okay to disagree and to have your own opinions!
What can you do?
Mindfulness and self-awareness will be the first steps in stopping the cycle of people pleasing. Recognizing that this type of behavior is exhausting and causes resentment will be the foundation of practicing being authentically you!
Take a deep breath before answering questions to think of what you actually want to say. Practicing this will take time, give yourself grace when you mess up, and know that you can always change your answer!