How to Support Someone After a Miscarriage

According to Mayo Clinic (2021), about 10 to 20 percent of pregnancies end in a miscarriage and 80 percent of miscarriages happen in the first trimester. It can be a shock when someone you know goes through a miscarriage. It is common for loved ones to be unsure of how to support someone through a miscarriage and may often find themselves avoiding them because of uncomfortable feelings. Listed below are a few ways to support a loved one who is experiencing a miscarriage:

Meet them where they are at. Some people like to talk about their feelings and their experiences while others don’t want to talk about it. If you are unsure where they are at- ask them! Grief and loss looks different for everyone, and that is okay.

Never minimize the experience or try to make the situation feel “better”: It doesn’t matter how far along the mother was when they experienced the miscarriage or if they are pregnant again. It can feel the same no matter what the circumstances. They are still experiencing a loss that cannot and should not be minimized.

Don’t avoid it, unless you are told to: Loss is difficult, because there is nothing we can do to bring back that life. Unless they asked to specifically not talk about something, try not to avoid conversations. Loss and grief can feel isolating and letting your loved one know you are there to support them can really make a difference.

Comments after the loss: Asking people when they are going to start trying again, can be inappropriate and insensitive to the experience of loss. Another common mistake that is made is when someone is feeling ill or anything outside of their normal, people will often say, “Are you pregnant?”, “Pregnant?”, or “Someone better go take a pregnancy test!”. These can be hurtful comments as someone is in their healing process.

Remember that support can look like anything: Support doesn’t always have to look like talking to someone about their emotions or feelings. It can be cooking dinner, doing the dishes, going grocery shopping for them, dropping off a tea, or sending an Amazon gift card. There are endless ways to learn how to support your loved one. Most of all, it can be helpful to just ask them as to how they would like to be supported.

References:

Mayo Clinic. (2021). Miscarriage. Retrieved at https://www.mayoclinic.org/

Support links: https://www.marchofdimes.org/ https://www.postpartum.net/ https://www.rootsfamilycollaborative.com