Forgiveness Through REACH
At some point in our lives, most of us will be hurt by someone close to us, whether it's a family member, friend, coworker, lover, or partner. When this happens, it's natural to feel justified in our anger and to harbor resentment. However, holding onto these negative emotions can seriously impact our health. Psychologists generally agree that forgiveness, when practiced effectively, can lead to improved mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Acquiring the ability to let go
Forgiveness is about making the conscious choice to let go of resentment and ill will towards those who have wronged us. The sooner we can do this, the sooner we can free ourselves from negative emotions. This doesn't mean we are excusing their actions, but rather, we are choosing to embrace goodwill over malice. To truly forgive, we must stop dwelling on the transgression. It's important not to suppress or bury emotional wounds, as this can lead to rumination and a desire for revenge. Instead, we can forgive the wrongdoer while still hoping for their ultimate good and seeking a just resolution.
Reaching a solution
The REACH method is a structured approach to forgiveness that can help individuals let go of resentment and move forward. Here's a brief overview of each step:
Recall: Remember the hurtful event objectively, without reliving the emotions.
Emphasize: Try to understand the perspective of the person who wronged you.
Altruistic Gift: Offer forgiveness as a gift, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes.
Commit: Make a conscious decision to forgive and stick to it.
Hold: Hold onto forgiveness when doubt arises.
Recall
Recall involves examining the transgression objectively, without succumbing to self-pity. This means trying to understand the wrongdoing by envisioning the person, the situation, and all the emotions involved. This step is about developing empathy for the offender.
Empathize
Empathizing means trying to understand the other person's perspective and the reasons behind their actions. This helps us see that the person may not have intended to cause harm, but was perhaps dealing with their own difficulties, fears, or worries. When people are in states of fear, worry, or hurt, they often don't think when they hurt others, and they just lash out. This understanding can help us develop empathy and compassion, making the process of forgiveness easier.
Altruistic gift
This step allows us to confront our own imperfections. By recalling a time when we hurt someone and were forgiven, we can reflect on the relief and gratitude we felt. This realization underscores that forgiveness is an altruistic gift we can extend to others, fostering empathy and understanding.
Commit
This step involves committing to the act of forgiveness. Writing a letter to the wrongdoer, even if you don't send it, or journaling about your forgiveness can be helpful. These actions solidify your decision and help you process your emotions, making the commitment to forgive more tangible and lasting.
Hold
The final step is to hold onto your forgiveness. This can be challenging, as memories of the wrongdoing may resurface. When these emotions arise, it's important to remind ourselves that we wish well for the other person. Forgiveness is not about erasing the past, but about changing how we react to those memories. This perspective helps us maintain a positive outlook and continue to move forward with compassion and understanding.
Gabrielle Molina, MSW, SWLC
References
The power of forgiveness - Harvard Health