What is Good Child Syndrome?
Have you heard of good child syndrome? According to Dr. Veerabhadrudu Kuncham good child syndrome is, “not a medical condition. Instead, it is a term to denote kids who try to be extremely good to be in their parent's good books. However, by doing so, these kids do not express their real feelings” (Kuncham, 2023). A child that may identify with good child syndrome may exhibit behaviors of perfectionism, anxiety, being the “easy” child to parent, shyness, not going through any kind of ‘rebellious stage’, and often going above and beyond of what is expected of them. An adult that may identify with good child syndrome in their childhood may exhibit behaviors of people pleasing, great difficulty making decisions, pent-up anger or resentment, low self-esteem, and never feeling ‘good enough’ in adulthood.
How does good child syndrome come about? One of the biggest reasons we see people develop good child syndrome is because they often have no experience of other people being able to tolerate their “badness”. It is a vital part of childhood to express negative emotions or big behaviors and still be tolerated and loved, nevertheless (The School of Life). This can also come about when adults in a child’s life withdraw their love from a child when they are misbehaving. This often gives the child the inherent message that they only deserve love when they are agreeable or not experiencing an uncomfortable emotion.
How do we break out of the good child syndrome? If your child or a child that you know shows signs of good child syndrome it is highly recommended to emphasize that it is okay to make a mistake or to experience an uncomfortable emotion, managing your own reactions and emotions, teaching self-soothing techniques, modeling getting through difficult emotions in a safe and accepting way, and to seek therapeutic services for them. If you are an adult that shows signs of good child syndrome it is highly recommended that you practice setting boundaries with others, practice allowing yourself to feel and express difficult emotions, practice relaxation techniques, work on positive self-talk, and seek therapeutic services for yourself. It is important to know that much like many other struggles, the good child syndrome is something you can overcome through seeking support from others, practicing self-care and mindfulness, and becoming aware of your relationship dynamics.
Jamie Lingenfelter, BSW, MSW, SWLC
References
The dangers of the good child - The School of Life. The School of Life. (n.d.). https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/the-dangers-of-the-good-child/
Kuncham, Dr. V. (2023, February 17). What is good child syndrome?. What Is Good Child Syndrome? https://www.icliniq.com/articles/emotional-and-mental-health/good-child-syndrome
What you need to know about “good child syndrome.” Teensavers. (2022, February 7). https://www.teensavers.com/post/what-you-need-to-know-about-good-child-syndrome#:~:text=Good%20child%20syndrome%20refers%20to,whatever%20is%20asked%20of%20them.