What Is Emotional Safety, and Why Is It Important?
Emotional safety is an integral component of a healthy relationship; regardless of the type of relationship (romantic, familial, friendship, etc). Although an important part of how humans connect, it can be tricky to cultivate if not already inherent to the dynamic. There’s good news, however, it can be done!
What is emotional safety, anyway? Emotional safety is the experience of being free to share your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fearing negative consequences like judgment, criticism, retaliation or rejection. It's about feeling secure enough to be vulnerable.
Relationships lacking emotional safety frequently become highly challenging and cause significant distress. When we don't feel emotionally safe, our bodies can interpret everyday conversations or tense moments as physical threats, triggering a stress response. This is why emotional safety is considered a fundamental prerequisite for genuine emotional connection. Logically, if we don't feel safe, our bodies instinctively close off from connection and engagement with others. Some common ways that relationships might tear down emotional safety are:
Constant criticism or judgment
Emotional manipulation or gaslighting
Threats or intimidation
Disrespectful or dismissive behavior
Lack of empathy or understanding
Betrayal of trust
Unpredictable or volatile behavior
It’s understandable that a lack of emotional safety can create dysregulation in one’s nervous system, making us less likely to want to connect again in the future. This often creates more distance, less communication, and becomes a redundant cycle of rinse and repeat. However, our nervous system, while primed for survival responses, is also beautifully integrated to facilitate deep emotional connection and closeness with others.
Let’s take another look at what someone’s internal experience might look like when emotional safety is available.
What Emotional Safety Feels Like:
Feeling Relaxed and at Ease: Your body feels less tense, and you can breathe easier.
Feeling Safe to Be Vulnerable: You feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings without fear.
Feeling Heard and Understood: You feel like your perspective is being valued.
A Sense of Trust: You feel confident that the other person has your best interests at heart.
Creating and maintaining emotional safety requires conscious effort, clear communication, and mutual respect. Our therapists at Advanced Counseling are trained in various modalities that can help individuals, couples, and families foster habits and behaviors that increase the likelihood of open communication and to help emotional safety blossom.
Building emotional safety in any relationship requires consistent effort. While there are numerous ways to achieve this, predictability is paramount. Establishing a safe emotional space hinges on the consistent application of reliable behaviors. Here’s some examples of things to try in various contexts. And, if you’d like some support, please reach out to our amazing team. We would love to assist you in your journey.
Okay, I’m ready! How do I do this?
In Romantic Relationships: Regular check-ins, expressing appreciation, and creating shared experiences can foster emotional safety.
In Family Relationships: Creating a safe space for children to express their feelings, and modeling healthy communication, are essential.
In the Workplace: Promoting open communication, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a culture of respect can create a psychologically safe work environment.
In The Therapy Session: The therapist creates a safe, judgment free space where the client is able to explore difficult emotions.
Emily Hodge, MSW, SWLC
Reference
Boeder, E. (2024, June 24). Emotional Safety is Necessary for Emotional Connection. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/emotional-safety-is-necessary-for-emotional-connection/#:~:text=When%20we%20don't%20feel,need%20in%20order%20to%20thrive.