Talking to your kids about conflict
by Andy Kemp MSW
If you have watched the news in the last few weeks, or followed news sites on the internet, you are aware of the escalating conflict in Ukraine. A lot of us have lived through conflicts before, like Vietnam, the Cold War, Desert Storm and Operation Iraqi Freedom. Those conflicts were different. TikTok, Instagram and other social media outlets did not exist. We relied on newspapers and television news; the latter conflicts were covered on news websites. The concern presenting us now is what our children are learning from this conflict and where they are getting their information.
I am a parent to four kids, two boys, two girls, ages ranging from 7 to 18. My oldest, 18, is paying attention to the conflict, has insight and speaks about it as any other adult might talk about the topic. He has his own opinions and understands that he must verify most of the information that he gets from social media. My second oldest, 14, is also aware of the conflict, however, his concerns are different. He believes that WWIII could be a result, he worries about military drafts and nuclear fallout. Talking with him about the conflict is a more delicate matter. He requires reassurance and understanding around how he perceives the conflict. The younger girls are aware of what is going on; however, they seem to be more indifferent which can be attributed to their age.
A recent article from the Washington Post states, “For parents of older kids who are accessing Ukraine news via TikTok, or other social media, now is the time to get involved. When they mention something, they saw or read, sit with them while they show you where they gain their knowledge.” The article encourages parents to treat this as an activity to do together. You ask where the information came from, review it together and then discuss what was reported or shown. The idea is also to approach this based on the age of the child and not to dumb it down. An older child will be more receptive to more critical concepts and a younger child might need it to be more simplified. Either way, treat the situation as a cooperative learning moment with your child.
What our children learn and gather can affect their mental well-being. It is important to help them process what they are seeing and hearing to alleviate undo stress and anxiety. The anxiety and stress can be diminished by taking the time to work through and process the information they are receiving. Be open, be honest and work together with your kids to find the facts around the current conflict. Reassure them that everything they hear from friends or others might not necessarily be the truth. The more parents normalize a conversation, the easier it will be for kids to approach a topic they might be concerned about.
More tips for effective communication with children can be found at:
https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/communication/index.html
References:
Joyce, Amy. “Your Kids Are Hearing about Ukraine. Here's How to Help Them Understand.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 1 Mar. 2022, https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2022/03/01/kids-ukraine-facts-parents/.
