Supporting Your Teen Experiencing Suicidal Ideation

It can be a scary and stressful situation for all parents wondering if their child is suicidal or supporting them when they do experience suicidal ideation. We do know that this is becoming a more common issue our teens are facing, especially in Montana. Studies conducted by The University of Montana and Health Center for Children, Families and Workforce Development found that “Montana ranks #1 in thoughts of suicide in the nation”. Despite our stress around this topic, we know that it is present in our communities and need to start talking about it with our youth.

There are some important things to understand before starting these conversations, this includes the myths about suicidal ideation, signs that your teen may be experiencing suicidal ideation, how to support them when your teen tells you they are feeling suicidal, and ways to care for you when your teen is suicidal.

Myths about suicidal ideation

A common myth is that if you talk to your child about suicide or ask them if they are feeling suicidal, it will increase suicidal ideation or suicide attempts. This is not true! It has been proven that fears shared with a safe and validating person are more likely to diminish thoughts of suicide, not increase them. The first step in encouraging a person with thoughts of suicide to live comes from talking about those thoughts and feelings. Another common myth is teens that are thinking about suicide are always angry when someone intervenes in some way, and they will resent you after. It can be common for teens to be defensive, or resist help at first. However, when they are shown that you genuinely care about their safety and wellbeing, no matter what they do or say, people often report gratitude after not having to deal with these thoughts and feelings on their own (DPBH).

Signs that your teen may be experiencing suicidal ideation

Signs of a teen experiencing suicidal ideation can include isolation from friends and family, problems eating or sleeping, mood swings, reckless behavior, dropping grades, increased use of alcohol or drugs, giving away belongings, talking about feeling hopeless or trapped, talking about being a burden to others or not belonging, talking about suicide or wanting to die, writing or drawing about suicide or acting it out in play (Ehmke, 2023). You know your kids best, so if you have any thoughts or are wondering if they are suicidal, be direct and supportive and ask them if they are feeling suicidal.

How to support your teen when they tell you they are feeling suicidal

An especially important step in initially responding to when your teen tells you they are feeling suicidal is to believe them. Often teens are invalidated in their SI because of ‘hormones’ or ‘they are seeking attention.’ It is critical to manage your own feelings in responding with empathy in order to show your child that you are a safe place to talk about hard and scary things. Other important reminders are to ask them how you can best support them when they are having these thoughts, encourage them to create and adhere to a safety plan that is often created in treatment, limit access to means such as medication, firearms, or sharp objects in the home, and to seek therapeutic treatment for your child. In therapy, you can ask your child’s therapist more on how to support your child best and ask for more psychoeducation around teen suicide.

Ways to care for you when your teen is suicidal

It is not easy to support your child experiencing suicidal ideation, but you cannot pour from an empty cup, so it is also imperative that you care for yourself during this time. It is recommended you also seek therapeutic treatment to manage your stressors, feelings, and thoughts. When a parent also goes to therapy, you are modeling for your teen in how to work through scary things in healthy ways and normalizing utilizing therapeutic services. Know that there are resources available, such as groups for parents dealing with teen suicide.

“To anyone out there who’s hurting — it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. It’s a sign of strength.”
— Barack Obama

Jamie Lingenfelter, MSW, SWLC

Resources

Ehmke, R. (2023, October 30). Signs a child might be suicidal. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/signs-a-child-might-be-suicidal/

Nevada Division of Public and Behavioral Health (DPBH) Office of Suicide Prevention. (n.d.). The Myths & Facts of Youth Suicide. https://suicideprevention.nv.gov/Youth/Myths/

The University of Montana. (n.d.). Montana prevents suicide. Montana Prevents Suicide. https://www.umt.edu/ccfwd/research/mt_suicide/#:~:text=The%20national%20rate%20of%20deaths,of%20suicide%20in%20the%20nation.