Rituals and Regulation
Many of us have tried to calm down when things feel difficult. Perhaps before we give a presentation or go into a tough conversation with a loved one or coworker, we tell ourselves to “just relax”. Or have you ever tried to say to your significant other, “just calm down!”. How did that work out? Most likely, not very well.
The idea of calming down or relaxing our state of being is an attempt to counter our nervous system’s reaction of arousal to stimulus. This is a psychological and physical state of high tension that includes the activation of the limbic and sympathetic nervous systems. This has been with us since we were early forms of humans responding to our environments with fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
In the 21st century we no longer need to react at a moment’s notice to being chased by a wooly mammoth with no concrete walls or insulated spaces to keep us warm and safe. However, we all have times where we are exposed to high stress situations and need tools to help us react in healthy ways.
One beneficial tool is: rituals. They can help us measurably tamp down rising patterns of stress and arousal when we try to perform difficult tasks or make mistakes. They are thought to delay performance for a beneficial period of time, improve our concentration, increase our perceived control, and boost our motivation. If you watch a professional baseball player step up to the plate, they often have a variety of movements they make before stepping into the batter’s box: touch the rim of their hat, adjust their batting gloves, place a hand on their gold chain, kick the plate, then step into position. When observed, these are not random movements, but specific rituals when preparing to swing at a ball coming their way at 100 mph can be regulating.
Each of us can create our own rituals that support us in decreasing our anxious or nervous response. And a key to their success is practicing them when we are calm and regulated, so that when things feel hard or overwhelming or we notice our nervous system responding, we can counter the effects by tapping into our rituals.
There are many examples of creating rituals with activities we already do. A ritual can be:
cooking a nourishing meal with focus and intention on the process and all the sensory input that comes with it
a morning or bedtime self-care routine, that we complete in a specific order with some focused intention
drinking our morning coffee or tea while thinking about a few things we have gratitude for in our lives
What a gift to honor yourself and your process through creating another coping skill by creating rituals in your daily life. Good luck, you’ve got this!
Rachel Brown, MSW, SWLC
References
https://www.wsj.com/health/wellness/the-calming-power-of-rituals-e79d738d
https://www.hbs.edu/ris/Publication%20Files/Rituals%20OBHDP_5cbc5848-ef4d-4192-a320-68d30169763c.pdf