Book Review, Fight Languages: Turning Conflict into Connection
Lena Morgan is a former birth doula who now works as a conflict resolution specialist, to help individuals, partnerships, families, organizations, and businesses translate conflict into connection. Helping clients navigate conflict resolution is a specific interest for this writer, so when this resource presented itself, this writer was intrigued about this new framework.
Fight Languages includes about seventy-seven pages divided by sections (or topics, rather than chapters), with the longest sections being about six pages, some as short as two. In terms of readability, this book is not one to include long blocks of text that may be intimidating to some readers, and includes formatting that feels more like a workbook than a novel.
On page one, you are asked to follow a link, or scan a conveniently provided QR (quick reference) code, that will lead you to take Morgan’s “fight languages” quiz which consists of ten questions. You are also reminded that this quiz can be taken multiple times, with different people in mind that you would like to resolve conflict with. The fight language result options include: Amplifier, Analyzer, Extinguisher, Ignitor, and Negotiator. Prior to diving into the specifics of results, the reader is provided with a short intro, glossary of the terms that Morgan uses throughout the book, some basics on fighting/conflict and types of conflict. Morgan uses a flag metaphor to explain three levels of conflict, green flag, yellow flag, and red flag conflict.
Green reflects curiosity and connection
Yellow is neither intentionally harmful nor focused on connection
Red is intentionally harmful, and of course should be avoided.
Morgan then proceeds to explain each fight language in more detail, followed by a worksheet that aims at analyzing internal conflict, and then a quick-reference guide to how the different fight language designations might behave when facing conflict with another fight language. The latter portion of the book details the need for repair, options for apologizing when necessary, and a few repair hacks.
In a section outlining why people fight, Morgan states, “the reality is that our early or memorable experiences with conflict created the foundation that we’re still fighting from… for many reasons, we found ourselves fighting to be understood and accepted, often with minimal success. We may not live in those unsafe or powerless spaces anymore, but our arguments often still take place as if we do…”
This writer would like to investigate this framework more to discover the reasoning/supporting research behind its development. This approach seems like it could be helpful in explaining conflict in a new light, but also in helping folks gain insight and understanding into their individual approaches to conflict resolution.
As a side note, this writer is not a big social media fan, but can appreciate the benefits of using these platforms to stay connected to professionals who work in the field or have similar interests. Although it is important to note that social media tidbits are not a substitute for professional mental health treatment, it can be a promising source for resources/materials that may be helpful or impactful.
Christine Perkins, MSW, SWLC
Reference
Morgan, Lena. (2023). Fight Languages: Turning Conflict into Connection.