Radical Acceptance: A Path to Change
Pain is a part of life, that truth is hard to deny. And, for many of us, it is the thing that brings us to seek counseling in the first place. In times of hardship and uncertainty, it is normal to feel a host of distressing emotions. While we cannot often change our hardships, there are proven methods towards decreasing the pain. Radical acceptance is a therapeutic tool that can help keep emotional pain from becoming emotional suffering.
Radical acceptance is a skill that derives from the DBT model of therapy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based modality, known for its toolbox of skills that are used to increase distress tolerance. Distress tolerance is the ability to manage negative emotions or other aversive states. This can include physical pain or discomfort, too! Radical acceptance is a tool that works to decrease distress, by ameliorating the need for control and eliminating judgement. Radical acceptance can avoid the suffering that comes with the added pain of “I wish things were different.”
There are a few things that radical acceptance is not: Radical acceptance does not mean resignation or giving up, and it does not mean that we agree that the situation or painful experience is okay. What radical acceptance offers us is a way to keep from layering on pain. We can accept that the situation happened, and that we feel badly about it. It does not mean that you are not upset or without pain, but that you accept how you feel. Please note that radical acceptance should not be employed in certain situations. These are unsafe situations that require a change, such as an abusive relationship or a dangerous work environment.
Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT, explains radical acceptance in three parts:
We accept the reality of what is
We accept the cause of what is
We accept that life is worth living, even with painful events
Radical acceptance calls us to let go of the illusion of control, and to not judge the situation, but to accept what exists – even the negative emotions. It can be viewed in a similar vein to mindfulness. By acknowledging what exists in the moment and making space for it to exist (even if you don’t want it to), you can focus on making changes. It does no good to worry about how things “should” be, or how unfair things are. That only increases the pain and keeps you from engaging with the things you can change. Once you radically accept – then, and only then, we can begin to do something about it. Instead of focusing on what you wish you could do, what would happen if you focused on what you CAN do NOW?
If this skill sounds hard, you are not alone. This is a practice! Your therapist can help you with accepting and tolerating overwhelming emotions during a difficult situation. Remember that rejecting things that make you uncomfortable does not make them go away. We all have to “feel to heal”, but you never have to do that alone!
Emily Hodge, MSW, SWLC
References
Dialectical Behavior Therapy. (2024, September 11). Radical acceptance: skills, worksheets, videos exercises. https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/radical-acceptance/
Segel, O., Sher, H., Aderka, I.M., & Weinbach, N. (2023). Does acceptance lead to change? Training in radical acceptance improves implementation of cognitive reappraisal. Behavior Research and Therapy, 164, 104303. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2023.104303